Dear Diary: Today I fucked up and made a meme so dank Daisy Ridley had her 1.4 million followers chase a retarded girl off the internet.

So, a while ago I wrote this here satirical review of Star Wars : The Force Awakens, lampooning all the feminist reviews by taking it to tumblr extremes of depravity, the main conceit being that, as my regular readers surely know all too well, feminist types are never satisfied.

The review got a decent number of views, at least in relative terms for my humble blog, but didn’t exactly “go viral”, as the kids are wont to say. Then today I see a minor surge in traffic to that post, coming from someone’s live journal (ya that site still exists, who knew?) and a Star Wars forum.  Some fan decided to share my post, cool beans. I click on through and lo and behold, what sorcery is this? Is that the comic panel I made being featured in a BBC story?

I do what any self respecting narcissist would do in this situation, and, before reading anything beyond the headline, go brag about my achievement on facebook and twitter. Not so humble brags out of the way I then went back to dig into the meat of this story. It looks like some girl reposted the ‘comic panel’ I made on instagram and tagged Daisey in it. Daisey got well pissed, leading many or at least yours truly to speculate that this might be her time of the month, and wrote a retort (featured in the BBC story above) which included the girl’s screenname which then led to some portion of Daisey’s 1.4 million fans screaming at the girl who has since deleted her account.

When Daisey realized what her followers were up to she removed the original post and replaced it something a bit more kumbaya, seigneur.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCvzkLGlE4L/?taken-by=daisyridley

So I’m having a good laugh, enjoying the chaos from the shadows, right? When things take a bit of an emotional downturn, as I read through the forum that was one of the first two to pin me down as the original creator I began to understand the real tragedy that was unfolding before me, perpetuated by a vile media that is as incompetent as it is dishonest. The man who found my blog, an internet sleuth that puts every media website to shame, claims that the girl who shared the image is likely mentally challenged. You know, spastic.

Yes, the girl is mentally disabled; that wasn’t something that was made up. I’m not going to post the girl’s name here, but if you Google her Instagram ID you’ll find she was using her real full name. You can see from her Facebook profile pictures how childish she looks, and elsewhere it is mentioned she attends a school for special needs children. I wouldn’t be so upset about this if the girl weren’t so harmless and vulnerable. Just try to put yourself in the kid’s shoes for a moment. Imagine being negatively targeted by a celebrity you idolise. And as if that weren’t enough, then targeted by news outlets all over the world. JFC, people!

–Darth Imbecillis

I won’t post her name or photos, but there is the screenname as captured and posted by Holleywood Reporter, which seems like one of the first outlets to have ran with the story. Please have a little human decency and don’t bother this poor child.

I have investigated the claims from Darth Imbecillis, and can confirm everything except the special needs schooling part. Not really up on my Swedish. Given everything else I’ve seen, I’m inclined to believe it. I want everyone to process what has actually happened over the last 24 hours, because it really speaks volumes about the quality of the media we have today, ie: utter shit.

So, just to recap, here’s the breakdown:

1. Irreverent shitlord with a blog that has a miniscule following pens an absurdly satirical review of Star Wars, complete with comic book like speech bubbles showing what the movie was about from an insanely tumblr radfem point of view.
2. A 17 year old, mentally handicapped girl that spends a large portion of her time posting Star Wars fan art on instagram, stumbles on my image and does what she does when she finds Rey fan art.
3. Daisy Ridley, young and upcoming superstar that plays Rey in the film, sees the image taken out of context, reposts it along with the name of the instagram user who put it up, and fires shots back.
4. Daisy’s followers let their hate flow through them and unleash holy hell on the young fan. That poor little mongoloid is probably still in tears, bless her little heart.
5. Media picks up the story, does literally zero research, brands the 17 year old slow girl as a “body shaming internet troll” and puts her on blast while simultaneously praising Daisy for being such a brave womyn.

Talk about a clusterfuck. So what are the takeaways here? I’m glad you asked. Let’s go over them:

Content is king but context is God

This is something people either can’t understand or don’t want to. Did that girl post the image because she wanted to shame Daisy? All signs seem to point to ‘no fucking chance’. All signs point to her being a massive fan. I don’t really blame Daisy for getting the wrong impression, but she should learn to take some time to try to understand a situation before putting someone on blast over social media like that. Daisy is young, I hope she learns from this (one of us should and it obviously isn’t going to be me).

The media is a pathetic assembly of greedy, sniveling  assclowns worthy of less respect than the shit I took this morning which wasn’t particularly impressive as far as shits go

I really want to drive this one home. Did the media try to figure out who the “body shaming internet troll” was and contact her for her side of the story? No. Did the media do a simple reverse image search to find my blog and understand that the ‘viral meme’, as they labeled it, was satire? No.

Or, we must confront the other possibility, that they maybe do have a modicum of competence, but chose not to report aspects of the story that would surely dampen the resulting outrage. God I hate the media, can you tell? Burn that shit to the fucking ground, somebody, please.

Society has an unhealthy obsession with celebrities

Not exactly a profound revelation, I know, but as someone who is fairly grounded, being confronted with the depth of this illness makes me weep for humanity. Every once in a blue moon I will throw a little bit of celebrity news in my weekly round up, a link about Caitlin Jenner here, a story on Lena Dunham there. I always feel dirty when I do it, but not only that, I feel like, “why am I doing this? No one cares what these vapid turds have to say, surely?” And then I see the results in my wordpress stats, that people do indeed click these links with the highest frequency, and it makes me understand why things like today happen. Who has time to check any facts when you need to be the first out the door and get that traffic, nigga!

I am doing the lords work here

If this media shit show doesn’t justify what I’m all about here at I,Hypocrite, then what exactly would? I’m not the only one who see’s the irony here, right? Two things that I hate, people that say things like “real women have curves” which is why I lampooned the shit out of it, and people that write about a woman being “SO BRAVE” because she’s not ashamed of her body. Pin a medal on the bitch why don’t you. Hey, you’re a super talented actress that is going to make literally millions and millions of dollars over the course of your career, but even better, you refused to be intimidated by a mentally deficient child with an instagram. #blessed.

Here are just a few of the gag worthy media quotes on the incident, and don’t even get me started on the comment sections…

“I can’t believe the unrealistic expectations I’m setting for young girls.” That’s right, folks. The year is 2016, and we have a gang-busters blockbuster that is at once both ‘too feminist’ (so the MRAs say) and ‘setting unrealistic expectations for young girls’. It’s Schrödinger’s Wars.

–Daisy Ridley Strikes Back After Body-Shaming Insta Pic Of Rey Goes Viral

OMG you are so stupid. RoK is not a men’s rights organization, for anyone paying attention, and my ‘meme’ was satire. And a single repost isn’t ‘going viral’. Fucking kill yourself.

I feel like “real women have curves” (the phrase, not the movie) has evolved to have less to do with weight, and more to do with men gatekeeping what kind of fat or thin or in-between female bodies are pleasing and ‘authentic.’

Oh sweet Jesus. Sweet baby Jesus sleeping in your manger come save us because literally no man ever has ever said ‘real women have curves’. You’re actually trying to make thin shaming something that men do? Leave it to Mary Sue to achieve peak stupidity, but it gets even better:

Of course, we do need more body diversity in Star Wars, and in media overall. Hopefully as great female representation in Star Wars evolves to become the norm, rather than the exception, that increased inclusivity will also be a priority…it’s the directors, producers, and other people (usually straight white men) who dictate the default in Hollywood.

–Kindly Refrain from Criticizing Daisy Ridley’s Body

This bitch is defending the satire as valid criticism. I can’t even you guys. I literally can’t even.

In a patriarchal society where even the fittest bodies are picked apart for totally hypocritical reasons, it’s no wonder that so many women and girls suffer from disordered eating and body dysmorphia. So if we don’t take a stand against body shammers, we all lose.

–The Daisy Ridley Body Image Controversy Once Again Proves Women in Action Movies Just Can’t Win

So many of the stories make it seem like she stood up against an army of harassers. This has given me new insight into the #GamerGate controversy and understanding how a single post can turn into a ‘vial campaign’ once it’s chewed up and spat out by the rumor mill.

Daisy, if somehow you find your way here, and you’ve managed to read all the way down to here, for whatever it’s worth, I accept your body, girl. Oh yes. Hallelujah. One question tho, do you call that a forehead? ‘Cause it looks more like a six or seven head.

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Star Wars : Forced to Awaken – A Candid Review

The dust has settled, box office records have been smashed, and there can be little doubt that Star Wars Episode VII will go down as the most necessary and important film known to mankind. For the first time in the history of cinema we get to see a female in a lead role and this is in fact the narrative that drives the whole movie, and rightfully so. However, call me old fashioned and hard to please, but I felt like there may have been a few parts of the story that were, frankly, a bit clunky. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to point some of them out.

The film starts off by introducing us to the character of Rey. A young scavenger on the planet of Jakku whom has taken on the burden of aspiring to be a role model for young girls. Painfully aware of the damaging message that her body image can send, Rey struggles to gain weight in an environment where resources are scarce and pity for women even more so. It’s truly a powerful allegory for the world we live in today, but I thought that the choice to break the fourth wall and criticize her own casting might have been a bit on the nose.

The movie quickly makes up for this, however, with one of my favorite scenes in which Rey courageously rails against the gender pay gap and shows that she is truly an empowered woman that will not be silenced.

Rey then enjoys a moments respite to eat her paltry rations and we fade into a poignant dream sequence in which she imagines herself on a lush green planet at her ideal body weight. I defy you not to cry here.

Unfortunately, the good times are short lived and I have another grievance in the following scene. While it’s about time we have a film that tackles the topic of women’s unpaid emotional labor, I did find the choice to push a twitter hashtag suspect, as for me it somewhat pulled me out of the fantasy world.

This is where the film really starts to pick up pace. First Rey shows us once again what a truly progressive hero she is by befriending a young, lost black man and then really ups her game when she gives Han Solo the dressing down he has always deserved but refused to acknowledge, as the straight, male son of white colonialists.

Things quickly culminate in a final clash between good and evil. In typical Rey fashion she quotes notable feminist Susan Brownmiller – not that I have to tell you guys that, you caught it, right? I thought it was a really bold decision to rename the dark side to Gamer Gate, bold and logical, considering it was 2015.

In the end Rey gets Kylo Ren thrown in intergalactic prison for force raping her with his male gaze and returns to Jakku where she is finally able to achieve her ideal body weight and live happily ever after. Or does she…to be continued…

Credit: http://professordoctorc.deviantart.com/

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Crazy, right? But what if I told you the above isn’t so crazy, and is in fact the future that geek culture is headed for if we don’t take a stand? Hi, I’m aspiring shitlord, mediocre blogger and ineffectual e-beggar Lyndon Perry. I originally had an idea to write a scholarly-ish article on the colonization of geek culture by Social Justice Warriors and their socio political agenda. But the more I thought about it, the more boring the idea started to seem, so I decided to write this piece of satire instead.

Some people reading this will understand where I’m coming from, and some will think I’m going way overboard. First off, I’d like to make it clear that I enjoyed Star Wars. I’m a huge geek and seeing the original cast return to their roles was like a childhood dream come true for me. I also want to make it clear that in spite of being a white male, I really don’t have issues with diversity in casting. I thought the characters of Rey and Fin were perfectly fine. So what’s the problem, you may ask?

The problem is the focus on identity politics in the media is making it hard to just enjoy being an old fashioned geek in what should be my moment of glory. I’m one of those crazy people that thinks real progress will be shown when we’re able to not obsess over stuff like gender and race, and just enjoy the stories that we love. In the words of Morgan Freeman, stop talking about it.

But not only do we seem unable to do that, there is also a trend to mock and denigrate anyone whom, like myself, doesn’t want geek culture to be overrun and consumed by identity politics. We’re labeled as whiny, emo reactionary white boys, that are angry about women infiltrating our ‘space’. That is  asinine. I love women. All I ask is that if you want to geek out, then learn how to geek out, and leave your politics at the door, because they have no place here and they are a fucking drag.

Don’t believe me? Try googling “Star Wars Feminism”. There’s enough reading there to keep you going for months, and pretty much every single early review I saw touched on it in some aspect. The only early review I stumbled on that managed to avoid the topic all together was Kevin Smith’s. Now there’s a guy that knows how to geek out properly. Watch people. Watch and take notes.

UPDATE March 11, 2016: If you’re here about the Daisy Ridley body shaming story, you can read my follow up here.

This Week In Social Justice 20/12/15

Oberlin College goes Full Mcintosh

The students of Oberlin must have been jealous of all the attention Yale and Missouri College got last month, and decided to stage their own protests that would garner international media attention mockery and even have some questioning the legitimacy of the demands being circulated. Featured above is some of the demands, but not all that were included in the 14 page document, (I’m aware the linked document is 9 pages, I’m sure you can find the rest if you feel like there’s something in there that has been omitted that will justify the rest of it) which includes other demands such as “black only safe spaces“. Which struck me as interesting because a timely video also landed on my facebook feed from notorious SJW Kat Blaque asking the deeply philosophical and in no way inherently racist question, can black people be racist? Turns out no, because they don’t do things like demand segregation. I wonder what her stance on these safe spaces is but I’m guessing it’s probably time to move the racism goal post again.

These are demands and not suggestions. If these demands are not taken seriously, immediate action from the Africana [sic] community will follow.

But the gongshow doesn’t stop there. Without even taking time to pause for breath, or wait for an official response from the administration to this list of demands, the Oberlin protesters have now taken on the racist menu of the school cafeteria. From a certain perspective, I understand where they are coming from. Shitty food is shitty food. The problem is that you can’t actually believe that if some catering company is serving a shitty, poorly cooked, non fresh ingredient using version of your cultural dish, that it’s not because the company is simply cheap and motivated by profit and bad at what it does, no no, that would be too simple. The catering company is racist. Like motherfuckers are sitting around being like “Step 1: Shitty, overpriced sushi. Step 2: Concentration camps.”

https://twitter.com/jetpack/status/678266717068505089

Oh and protesting stuff non stop is hard work, which is probably why they are demanding that the protesters be paid for their time. To be fair, if I paid 50k tuition I would have pretty high expectations as well.

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Game Dev gets death threats for “Tranny Gladiator”

Because death threats are unacceptable harassment, except when they’re justified. I don’t have much to say about this because learning that SJW’s have no conviction and just love to bully people, shocks me none at all.

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Opening rape clinic to men is “insensitive and a backwards step”

A rape clinic in Sweden will begin to accept male victims. In a traditional display of what feminists constitute to be equality, feminist organization Roks had the following to say:

Making male rape more visible is one thing: Perhaps it is more interesting to talk about male rape for a change. But it is also a way of silencing women.

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Yale students sign ‘petition’ to repeal the first amendment

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Star Wars

So Star Wars VII happened this week, and in a refusal to let anyone talk about anything that isn’t feminism, feminists and SJWs came out of the woodwork to talk about Star Wars. From telling us with a straight face that Darth Vader is racist symbology to explaining how harrowing it is to be a female star wars fan, and finally to trumpeting how awesomely feminist Star Wars VII is, except for the part where Harrison Ford got paid more than Daisy Ridley, Star Wars is the talk of the town. There will be some minor spoilers forthcoming, so consider yourself warned.

First point: Darth Vader is racist. I’m not even going to address it, actually the linked article already points out the stupidity of Melissa Harris Perry stance on Star Wars. If you’re going to accuse Darth Vader of racist symbology, at least be funny about it.

Second Point: Being a female Star Wars fan is hard. Bitch please. When I was a kid being into geekdom was social suicide. Girls wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole if you were enthusiastic about Star Wars. You expect me to believe that those same geeks are rejecting women now for being posers? I don’t believe it and I don’t think you have any idea how good you have it. In my day we suffered for our geekiness. But times have changed, and we live now in a world where Star Wars is set to be the top grossing film of all time. What this means is that geek is no longer even a relevant term because the term loses all of it’s meaning, which was derogatory, in a world were being a geek is completely mainstream. Having said that, this change did not occur over night. It was a gradual social progression as all the jock assholes and cool kids had to accept that geek shit was actually awesome. In the interim of this progression you had the ever increasing phenomenon of the fake geek girl. Fake geeks were never a serious problem by any stretch. People have always wanted to conform throughout history in order to be accepted. So this is a natural part of geeks going mainstream. But let’s make one thing absolutely clear, fake geeks are real. I’ve met them. As stated, it’s irrelevant at this stage in the game, because being a geek is no longer counter culture in any way, shape or form, so being a geek is nothing to be proud of anyway, and this, ladies and gentlemen, is why the real OG geeks are left feeling just a tad bitter and why the new breed of geek needs to take any notion of oppression and stick it up their privileged asses.

Point 3: Rey is the feminist protagonist we’ve been waiting for.

I guess, in so much as we’ve been waiting for a  Mary Sue female power fantasy.

I don’t like James Bond. I have never liked James Bond, and I’ve never understood the appeal. James Bond is perfect. He has no flaws. He’s boring as fuck. Rey is a Star Wars version of James Bond. She is beautiful. She is strong. She is a better pilot than Han Solo. A better mechanic than Chewbacca. A better light-saber-stabber-wither than Kylo Ren. She goes from 0 to 60 in .6 seconds when learning to use the force. Rey is fucking boring. On the plus side, The Force Awakens in every way felt like A New Hope rebooted. Which means the next one will probably be Empire Strikes Back rebooted. Which means Rey will get her ass kicked. So there’s that to look forward to. You heard it here first. Why do people still complain about lack of female protagonists in current year? Honestly it’s like some of you people have never seen Aliens.

Point 4: Much ado about pay gaps. The only thing I want to point out here is that MailOnline makes a very specific point, in their headline of comparing Harrison Ford’s salary to Daisy Ridley’s. It’s only getting into the fine print that you can discover John Boyega made the same as Daisy. Almost as if the difference in pay wasn’t blatant sexism. Fancy that.